Three Magical Words!!!

Sorry, Thank you and I love You……. Three most powerful words, Three most promising words…Three most positive words…we all like to hear these, we all like to experience these.

Somewhere & somehow all these words make you feel good. However all these words are more common and used very casually and make it feel most genuinely by the listener!!!

SORRY - - - we use when we realise, we feel that knowingly or unknowingly we have hurt someone. At the same time a heartfelt Sorry can make us more conscious of all our immature and emotional actions.

THANK YOU - - - the more genuinely expressed, the more effective it is for both the parties. We must not forget to thank all those who bring a SMILE on our face. As in today’s world, we don’t even smile wholeheartedly!

I LOVE YOU - - - this has a magic of its own! Its soothing at any age, it makes you young by heart at any age…but it has different meaning and need at different age…The ultimate of life lies in emotional riches and not in material riches.

This will however go on I LOVE YOU – THANK YOU – SORRY …..

WE AND OUR LANGUAGES!

We all know that each and every individual has its own body language. We do judge each other by the same...now as world is techno-savvy; it has taken one step ahead… where body language is transformed into text-a-language, sms-language and phone-a-language! We now judge each other more by the way we text and talk.

When we go for a party where many people are invited, do we gel with all? We with our vibes, our intuition and each other's body language, choose to talk to few...who makes us feel comfortable, right? As body language plays an important role in our life…there s something which weighs more in our relationship.

And that is…………………… our LOVE LANGUAGE!!!

We all love to be loved by our loved ones...but sometimes relation reaches to that point where gradually we feel something is going wrong. Suddenly, the bitterness, the ignorance and avoidance takes place.

Yes. We do love each other but that bond is not that strong which it was used to…Somewhere we get confused and ignorant…to this basic need of life….LOVE!!!

Very few of us can talk about our love language to our partner...and...When we talk...it’s mostly in the presence of our well-wishers (counsellors, friends...that also if we are lucky and give time and understanding to our relationship!).

So what are LOVE LANGUAGES?

Love languages are:

1) Word Of Affirmation: "The tongue has the power of life and death."

2) Quality Time: "Giving someone your undivided attention - keeping no difference
between the dating couple and married couple."

3) Receiving Gifts: " The worth of gift has NOTHING to do with monetary value AND
EVERYTHING to do with love."

4) Act Of Service: "Request gives direction to love but demand stops the flow of
love.”

5) Physical Touch: "All the 'LOVE TOUCHES' are the emotional lifeline."

I was gifted a book by my friend “The Five Love Languages” written by Gary Chapman. Personally I felt that everyone should read this book, especially married couples. Not because all have some or the other problems but to make married life more sparkling!

I request all, to read, to think, to apply...in all your relations...

It’s never too late...if both the partner decide to make it and not break it........

MAY GOD BLESS US ALL!

Life and Relations!

Sometimes if we introspect our life, we can feel that some things in our life are repeating.
We feel this has happened earlier also WITH US..LIKE the same environment, the same efforts, same feelings, same fears...

My mom used to say when I was young,"God will keep bringing up same issues again and again,until we pass this test because God is more interested in changing us then changing circumstances."

Yes, we change with time, with experiences. We do deal with them in a more stronger, more matured and positive manner.
We feel good that we did a good job this time handling these issues.....but.....but somewhere don't you think that disappointment,that sadness, that rejection,that hurt REMAINS!

People say that never expect anything from anyone. But don't you think the fact is when you like someone..we do expect something from them?
At least...a little expression,
a little sharing,
a little flexibility,
a little concern.....concern about our emotions, concern about our words!

Are we asking for more???

Old or new - - - any relationship... we deal in the same way as it is the only way to heart and where heart is concerned, we can't be artificial, we can't be prooving anything.

The time will come,as God wants it to come...when we deal those heart to heart relations beautifully.

I just wish, that it should not come so late that we loose all charm, all hope, all love!!!

We love secretly and fight openly...

Yesterday, while coming from the school, I came across an unpleasant incident at the bus-stop.

The newly married couple was standing on the same bus-stop. Suddenly what happened between the two, made me feel embarrassed and shaken up!
The man got violent and started slapping his woman on the road. Everyone at the bus stop as well as passer by was stunned!

As the crowd gathered, he left her all alone and went away. The woman was shivering, she was trembling, and she was speechless!!!

The question here is not what happened between the two, but is this the way one should be treated???

We see couples sitting together, to be together (in decency) at public places. Police, as watch dog and public as concerned citizen try to intervene them, but for people who create such scenario, we feel ‘it’s their personal affair, why to interfere?’

It is not only interference or concern…it is how we treat each other respectfully!

Lately, I read a quote that NOW I have understood better.

It says - - -

“Only unhappy people make other people unhappy
Happy people will always treat you well.”

DO B4 U DIE.......

“The moment you think of giving up…
think of the reason why you held so long;
DO OR DIE is an old saying;
But DO IT BEFORE YOU DIE is the latest one.”

I got this sms last week; my ex-pression was…”hmmm…good one.”
But gradually when I thought on it, I felt depth in this quote.

DO OR DIE AND DO IT BEFORE YOU DIE


Both the above quotes asking for Effort, asking for dedication, asking for commitment, asking to do what you want to do, asking to give your 100%...

The only difference, what I felt is (in relationship…as my blog is mainly on relationship)…

DO OR DIE is…..somewhere asking for adjustments, expecting extremity.

Whereas, DO IT BEFORE YOU DIE….is asking us to fulfill the inner desire, asking to do what we wish to do…..without confusing DUTY and DESIRE….

What the Heart knows today, the head will understand tomorrow!

Every day we meet many people, who are our relatives,friends, collegues, neighbours.....we relate differently with everyone.
We have different feelings and expressions for each one of them.

We do have some feelings, expressions for the people who are not known to us
(say while walking on the road or while travelling).

If you observe,seeing some people we feel good,
eventhough they have not done anything.
Seeing some people we feel irritated, disgusted,
eventhough they have not harm us anyway.

Why???

These are the vibrations,reflections of thoughts which we are passing to each other.

Each one of us must have experienced a sudden change in relations at some point of our life. The best of the best relations come to an end abruptly.

This abrupt end, we generally end with blaming game.

BUT the only fact is some where some one is hurt so badly that they cannot handle,cannot accept.Because they didnot expect something from their loved ones.

A small reason, a little haste, a little ego, a short vision...finishes everything at one stroke.

If we observe life minutely, everything in life is destined,its karmic...
...We are only the carriers for some one,for something.

Its always said that BIRTH, DEATH and MARRIAGE is already destined and that no one can change.

Can we choose our parents?
Can we plan our death?
And marriage...we know how we get that one person!!!
And that one person becomes so important in our life that we forget the whole world! Isn't it surprising???

Let the destiny play it's role but we must help ourselves by:
Being good and not stupid
Being polite and not harsh
Being firm and not rude
Being simple and not complex!

*************************************************************************************

NO TIME, PLEASE!!!

“Life never turns the way we want,
But we live it the best way we can.
There’s no perfect life;
But we can fill it with perfect moments!”

Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years…passing…just passing AND we don’t have time!!!

Every time we decide to complete our half-done things…and it remains incomplete…bcoz time nahi hai!
Every time we decide to solve certain problems, issues…and it remains unsolved…bcoz time nahi hai!
Every time we decide to at least take care of our health…and it remains untouched…bcoz bilkul hi time nahi hai!

Every time we decide to be contented with our life…and WE ARE NEVER…bcoz TIME HAI… (We have so much time to check on what we don’t have)!!!!

All these divert in to…insecurity, anxiety, health problems, stress, and dissatisfaction.

Finally, it results in to sudden collapses, severe health hazards, suicides, untimely death, murders, looting…

We, at bottom of our heart know why this is happening. In fact we do get signals on and on BUT we ignore, we neglect, we are scared to know, we are so obsessed that we overlook all the signals.

I know it is easy to pen down, but than, how we will come out of this vivacious circle of our created lifestyle? We need to remind ourselves repeatedly.

If we will not set the boundaries, limitations, satisfactions for our progress/success, harmony in our relationships, overcome our fears; handle our discomforts than who will do it? And why anyone should do it for us?

Let us be aware of the facts, BEFORE it turns in to fantasy;

Let us be aware of the path, BEFORE it turns to pitfall;

Let us be aware of the results, BEFORE it turns to a drastic end.

IF OLD IS GOLD than...

She is energetic, she is enthusiastic,
She is curious, she is talkative,
She is active, she is a friend and philosopher
She is an ordinary house-wife,
She is different, she is 58!

She is a woman who has two young daughters-in-law!!!

Why I am writing about her?
It's simply because I sensed a child in her and at the same time I saw youth in her.
When you meet someone with such positive energy, you are introduced to the new world of FRESHNESS!


We come across many such people in our life.
They have also had their share of struggle, difficulties, regrets...experiences are same everywhere.

It is not the age, it is not the securities in life, it is not the status in the family or society.
It is ONLY and ONLY our ATTITUDE towards our own self and towards LIFE!

When we are toddlers, our family are a part of our life.
When we are young, family and we become a part of each other.
But the age, when we have fulfilled all our responsibilities, when we are not running the cat-race, WE SHOULD BE PART OF our family.

If both,new and old generation balance their pace,and go hand in hand, living in this world would be a wonderful experience!!!
We must not forget if :
OLD IS GOLD,
THAN NEW IS EXTENTION OF THE SAME GOLD!

It's just a bend and not the end!

“Often when we loose all hope and think this is the end
God smiles from above & says,
'Relax Sweet Heart, It’s just a bend and not the end'!"
----- SMS

There are many ups and downs in life. We get upset, stressed, confused, depressed and above all we get hurt.We get hurt the most, when our own people criticize us, nag us, find faults in whatever we do.
We feel HELPLESS because we can fight, argue, justify with outsiders but with our parents, spouses, children, brothers, sisters..... We only experience heartburn.
Last week a couple came to me for their tarot reading.Both were talking about their life’s ups and downs.They were concerned about a secured life and well-being of their children. In the course of our discussion,the husband said that from his interaction with people around, socially and professionally, he felt that his wife understood him the best.His wife and I both felt good,but it was temporary.
He continued," I have understood that now when I feel angry or stressed;
I throw my frustration only on her!"
Nothing shocking about it, because this gentleman spoke out naturally and there are many who just put it in action!
So the crust of our life is 'We always need a punching bag. '
This is not only in the relationship of husband and wife or employer-employee (even though it the most common), but it is easily, naturally and righteously transferred to our children. Finally we create an unhealthy environment for every one.
We name our shortcoming as our stress, tensions, responsibilities...The time has come now to KNOW, to ACCEPT and to HANDLE our short comings.
I have realized and experienced from my life that “What You Look for, You Get It."
You look faults; you find it (because no one is perfect)
You look for negativity; you find it (because no one is 100% positive) AND
You look for peace, you find it (because the peace is with in)...
Now let’s not say that we do try but all in vain. We know the truth.

Let's ask ourselves daily...Do we get tired finding faults? Do we get tired blaming others?

If we understand the problems in life, it is only because we don't realise WHAT, WHEN & HOW, to communicate (here. i don't mean just talking) effectively (especially with people who matter the most).
As Robin Sharma says,
“Delete what needs to be eliminated from your life - you will feel lighter, happier and your mind will experience more PEACE."

At least START doing for the next generation, if we really do care for them!!!

Chini kum...

“Chini kum hai, Chini kum hai,
Thodi thodi tuj me hai kum
Kum kum
Dhire dhire holle holle
Door door hogi problem kum
Hum dum.”

How sweet and beautiful lines! When we actually listen with the rhythm it is sweeter and makes you feel fresh and enthusiastic.

Today I had bitter gourd in lunch; I had put some sweet to make the gourd eatable. But the bitter taste remained the entire day.Of course,it did not damage me anywhere.

Do you think it is the same with our words? Bitterness in our words and bodylanguage (especially our facial expression)can cause terrible damage. We all must have gone thru’ same bitterness some where in our life. Did we like it???

Do we like ‘kheer’ (porridge) without any sweetness? ...NO...
We assume and accept that Kheer is supposed to be sweet.

The same way our relations are supposed to be sweet and humble.
Life is nothing but rhythm. We miss one note and the entire base collapses.

We make good dishes for the guest; wear good clothes when we go out; use better words in our workplace.
We do all these because we are very sure that they – outsiders will ONLY take rhythmic notes from you…

We all have our own share of burdens both socially and economically, we all are trying to cope up for better living and will continue to do so life long.
The cost of living is increasing with the rate of inflation. It is quite difficult to erase all our burdens completely but at least the areas which are under our control can be made more worthwhile!

My brother always says; if the home front is taken care of well; the war front (work) will be taken care of automatically.
Once we start using ‘chini’ unlimited in our home front…the rest of the areas will soon start taking their actual positions.

Are we permanent resident or just visitor in our children's life?

" You can play piano by youself,
but it becomes MUSIC,
when someone hears it!" Cyrus Merchant

We are living in the the world which is demanding and competitive! And so it is very difficult to get the time to listen, to talk to each other even if we want to.We are pre-occupied with our selves.
I am a working parent. It happened with me last week and I would like to share the same.
My son is in Std.X. We dont get much time to interact as we used to get earlier when we were having the same timings. Now we both are in the different shifts. We get very little time to spend with each other.And in those hours when we are together, we both have our own set of work.

Before we go to sleep we talk little. That day he was about to share something and I got a call...I looked at him, he smiled with a look that "Oh! Now I cannot talk to mom!”...I tried to finish my call at earliest but he was fast asleep.

I felt very bad and also sad. But I console myself that I can make it in the morning. I did.
He replied," Ma, I don't know what I wanted to tell you yesterday night, I forgot." I just left with the feeling of regret!

We are busy, they are busy...No time...No patience...
All of us do ask them and talk to them...have you reached home? Had your food? Did your home work? Did you attend your coaching?
We also make sure that they don’t watch much of T.V, or play out more [and we feel that they share everything with us].

ADDING to that can we also ask...how are your friends doing? What type of mischief is happening in the school? Don’t you feel like bunking so and so class sometimes? Isn’t it your so and so friend is very smart?
AND also sharing what we used to think and did in our school days (of course in a limit...as they are more smart than us!!!)

Yes, there are children who does not share even if the parent try hard...BUT please do not stop playing your part...

Because we can foresee their friends, their thought process (where it is going) and guide them ANYTIME better than their peer group.

It's like your routine- - -brushing your teeth , eating , sleeping...we must make it a point to share or rather a habit.
This is possible ONLY when we are permanent residents in our children's lives and not just visitors!

If we decide that we will definitely make up some beautiful moments everyday, WE CAN.

I am sure we can stop having more Adnanas and Arushis (we don't know the facts) as they do not deserve such END!!!

Life can be a magic with our words!!!

We all want to be loved by our loved ones...

We need EXPRESSION which will make us feel...secure
which will make us feel...appreciated
which will make us feel...ACCEPTED
which will make us feel...LIFE HAS A MAGIC

The best of the Expression is VERBAL.

As Mark Twain's quoted once :

"I CAN LIVE FOR TWO MONTHS ON A GOOD COMPLIMENT"


VERBAL expression is the most powerful one.

VERBAL expression is the NEED, we long for.

If we practice each moment sincerely, VERBAL expression can acts as the soother and the motivator.

We are not insincere with our words BUT at times unrealistic, We know everything, we can do everything BUT ............

We are waiting for some one to do for us, We are waiting for the MAGIC to happen!!!

So what is the MAGIC??? MAGIC is nothing but our conscious and our effort to hear our conscious.

BUT the MAGIC MANTRA is...only and only to follow our conscious

A person's greatest emotional need is to use the MAGICAL MANTRA...AND...which must begin from home...

LOVE WITH EXPECTATIONS...

“KISI KA PYAR KABHI CUM NAHI HOTA
SIRF APNI UMMIDE JYAADA HOTI HAI”

…so true…Today, if you see around, everyone has one say that “the other person does not love me as much as I do!”

Life is changing, priorities are changing. People are so busy struggling to meet their day to day needs , struggling to overcome their insecurities (financial, material, emotional etc), which has changed their life style and that is resulting in to substituting EMOTIONAL LOVE into MATERIAL LOVE.

Whatever is the reason, whatever is the season but at the end of the day WE go back TO our loved ones, FOR our loved ones…where we have our set of EXPECTATIONS…

So the ultimate thinking of each and every person is WE ALL WANT TO BE LOVED BY OUR LOVED ONES….

Which we are doing but some where something is missing…may be the pace on which we are today…!!! If we can make little faster, little harder we can do it…

We and Our Children

Counselling is a wel-known word in our world....especially in the world of children... so what s that means???
Let's ask few questions to us (parent) when we are fresh, when we are not pre-occupied.
Dictionary explains the term Counselling---- It’s a process where a person can receive assistance in sorting out issues and reaching decisions to their life circumstances.

In a simple language I feel it is...
...it is nothing but COMMUNICATION with your loved ones, for your loved ones and about your loved ones...

It s really surprising that the more and more counselling centers are opened and are really busy helping out the children.

If we think minutely/sincerely, what children need which we don’t know and a counselor knows!!!

Children at their early/prime years need someone to talk,

even if they can not talk.
Children at their early/prime years need someone to listen and understand, even if they cannot explain properly.
Children at their early/prime years need someone to be with them,

even if even if they move around in their own world.
Children at their early/prime years need warmth,

even if they are cool in whatever they do.
Children at their early/prime years need oneness/togetherness in family,

even if they can't explain BUT can feel the vibrations.

...they grow wisely and nicely...but still sometimes we all are confused with each other!
We as parents, at any age, want our children to be happy (of course)

even if we are not or does not want to be.
We as parents, at any age, want our children to be successful,

even if we till now does not know the true meaning of success.
We as parents, at any age, want ourselves to recognize as THEIR parents,

even if we deserve or not.
We as parents, at any age, want our children to be independent,

even if we are the dependants.

We as parents, at any age, want our children to have their identity,

even if we are struggling for it.
We as parents, at any age, want our children to be well mannered (of course outside),

who knows better than us...the manners!!!
We as parents, at any age, want our children to follow our advice,

even if we ignore the same.

.......there are many complexes, many facts...which we know but children know better and they cannot communicate!

We lived our life/lives always under guidance, which came as a package containing fear, complexes, and beliefs of our forefathers. Knowingly or unknowingly we are passing to the next generation!!!

... it is not that we never had any questions or doubts but we could not ask, could not clear the doubts.

WHY???

may be... the trust, we have/had on them.
may be... the fear to upset them.
may be... the fear of the authority.
may be... the required courage was not there.
may be... the exposure was not there.

OR

that desire was not there???

Today's children...

...have trust on us.
...does not want to upset us.
...do understand our importance/authority.
...have tremendous courage.
...are explored to n level.

AND
...have burning desire to get the thing done if they have decided.

Yes, we are also more aware what the children want (not need).
And we want to give the best to them.
we don’t want to struggle the way we have.

So where is the problem? Than how this term counseling has entered in our life?

Our intentions, our desire, our education, our bank balance... all these we have for our children, their future...than where is the confusion???

we give everything.
we give the latest technology.
we give the comfort(material).
we give the freedom to be independent, to be westernized, to move around.
Above all.....
we gave the thought unknowingly, that we are "we" when we have all these.

Than what have we forgotten? Have we forgotten this???...

...to talk to them as their friends talk to them!
...to sit together once in a day and talk what they and we, have done the whole

day out!
...to spend the quality sundays/holidays!
...to play with them...knowing our children while playing is fun...he/she will be a
different person whom you never knew!
...to use the technology in a different way like stealing few moments from yr

busy schedule n say hello or share a joke !
...to give emotional surprises as per their age and wish!

Don’t you think we, the parent are the best friends and counselors for our children???

By Amisha nair