Are we permanent resident or just visitor in our children's life?

" You can play piano by youself,
but it becomes MUSIC,
when someone hears it!" Cyrus Merchant

We are living in the the world which is demanding and competitive! And so it is very difficult to get the time to listen, to talk to each other even if we want to.We are pre-occupied with our selves.
I am a working parent. It happened with me last week and I would like to share the same.
My son is in Std.X. We dont get much time to interact as we used to get earlier when we were having the same timings. Now we both are in the different shifts. We get very little time to spend with each other.And in those hours when we are together, we both have our own set of work.

Before we go to sleep we talk little. That day he was about to share something and I got a call...I looked at him, he smiled with a look that "Oh! Now I cannot talk to mom!”...I tried to finish my call at earliest but he was fast asleep.

I felt very bad and also sad. But I console myself that I can make it in the morning. I did.
He replied," Ma, I don't know what I wanted to tell you yesterday night, I forgot." I just left with the feeling of regret!

We are busy, they are busy...No time...No patience...
All of us do ask them and talk to them...have you reached home? Had your food? Did your home work? Did you attend your coaching?
We also make sure that they don’t watch much of T.V, or play out more [and we feel that they share everything with us].

ADDING to that can we also ask...how are your friends doing? What type of mischief is happening in the school? Don’t you feel like bunking so and so class sometimes? Isn’t it your so and so friend is very smart?
AND also sharing what we used to think and did in our school days (of course in a limit...as they are more smart than us!!!)

Yes, there are children who does not share even if the parent try hard...BUT please do not stop playing your part...

Because we can foresee their friends, their thought process (where it is going) and guide them ANYTIME better than their peer group.

It's like your routine- - -brushing your teeth , eating , sleeping...we must make it a point to share or rather a habit.
This is possible ONLY when we are permanent residents in our children's lives and not just visitors!

If we decide that we will definitely make up some beautiful moments everyday, WE CAN.

I am sure we can stop having more Adnanas and Arushis (we don't know the facts) as they do not deserve such END!!!

Life can be a magic with our words!!!

We all want to be loved by our loved ones...

We need EXPRESSION which will make us feel...secure
which will make us feel...appreciated
which will make us feel...ACCEPTED
which will make us feel...LIFE HAS A MAGIC

The best of the Expression is VERBAL.

As Mark Twain's quoted once :

"I CAN LIVE FOR TWO MONTHS ON A GOOD COMPLIMENT"


VERBAL expression is the most powerful one.

VERBAL expression is the NEED, we long for.

If we practice each moment sincerely, VERBAL expression can acts as the soother and the motivator.

We are not insincere with our words BUT at times unrealistic, We know everything, we can do everything BUT ............

We are waiting for some one to do for us, We are waiting for the MAGIC to happen!!!

So what is the MAGIC??? MAGIC is nothing but our conscious and our effort to hear our conscious.

BUT the MAGIC MANTRA is...only and only to follow our conscious

A person's greatest emotional need is to use the MAGICAL MANTRA...AND...which must begin from home...

LOVE WITH EXPECTATIONS...

“KISI KA PYAR KABHI CUM NAHI HOTA
SIRF APNI UMMIDE JYAADA HOTI HAI”

…so true…Today, if you see around, everyone has one say that “the other person does not love me as much as I do!”

Life is changing, priorities are changing. People are so busy struggling to meet their day to day needs , struggling to overcome their insecurities (financial, material, emotional etc), which has changed their life style and that is resulting in to substituting EMOTIONAL LOVE into MATERIAL LOVE.

Whatever is the reason, whatever is the season but at the end of the day WE go back TO our loved ones, FOR our loved ones…where we have our set of EXPECTATIONS…

So the ultimate thinking of each and every person is WE ALL WANT TO BE LOVED BY OUR LOVED ONES….

Which we are doing but some where something is missing…may be the pace on which we are today…!!! If we can make little faster, little harder we can do it…

We and Our Children

Counselling is a wel-known word in our world....especially in the world of children... so what s that means???
Let's ask few questions to us (parent) when we are fresh, when we are not pre-occupied.
Dictionary explains the term Counselling---- It’s a process where a person can receive assistance in sorting out issues and reaching decisions to their life circumstances.

In a simple language I feel it is...
...it is nothing but COMMUNICATION with your loved ones, for your loved ones and about your loved ones...

It s really surprising that the more and more counselling centers are opened and are really busy helping out the children.

If we think minutely/sincerely, what children need which we don’t know and a counselor knows!!!

Children at their early/prime years need someone to talk,

even if they can not talk.
Children at their early/prime years need someone to listen and understand, even if they cannot explain properly.
Children at their early/prime years need someone to be with them,

even if even if they move around in their own world.
Children at their early/prime years need warmth,

even if they are cool in whatever they do.
Children at their early/prime years need oneness/togetherness in family,

even if they can't explain BUT can feel the vibrations.

...they grow wisely and nicely...but still sometimes we all are confused with each other!
We as parents, at any age, want our children to be happy (of course)

even if we are not or does not want to be.
We as parents, at any age, want our children to be successful,

even if we till now does not know the true meaning of success.
We as parents, at any age, want ourselves to recognize as THEIR parents,

even if we deserve or not.
We as parents, at any age, want our children to be independent,

even if we are the dependants.

We as parents, at any age, want our children to have their identity,

even if we are struggling for it.
We as parents, at any age, want our children to be well mannered (of course outside),

who knows better than us...the manners!!!
We as parents, at any age, want our children to follow our advice,

even if we ignore the same.

.......there are many complexes, many facts...which we know but children know better and they cannot communicate!

We lived our life/lives always under guidance, which came as a package containing fear, complexes, and beliefs of our forefathers. Knowingly or unknowingly we are passing to the next generation!!!

... it is not that we never had any questions or doubts but we could not ask, could not clear the doubts.

WHY???

may be... the trust, we have/had on them.
may be... the fear to upset them.
may be... the fear of the authority.
may be... the required courage was not there.
may be... the exposure was not there.

OR

that desire was not there???

Today's children...

...have trust on us.
...does not want to upset us.
...do understand our importance/authority.
...have tremendous courage.
...are explored to n level.

AND
...have burning desire to get the thing done if they have decided.

Yes, we are also more aware what the children want (not need).
And we want to give the best to them.
we don’t want to struggle the way we have.

So where is the problem? Than how this term counseling has entered in our life?

Our intentions, our desire, our education, our bank balance... all these we have for our children, their future...than where is the confusion???

we give everything.
we give the latest technology.
we give the comfort(material).
we give the freedom to be independent, to be westernized, to move around.
Above all.....
we gave the thought unknowingly, that we are "we" when we have all these.

Than what have we forgotten? Have we forgotten this???...

...to talk to them as their friends talk to them!
...to sit together once in a day and talk what they and we, have done the whole

day out!
...to spend the quality sundays/holidays!
...to play with them...knowing our children while playing is fun...he/she will be a
different person whom you never knew!
...to use the technology in a different way like stealing few moments from yr

busy schedule n say hello or share a joke !
...to give emotional surprises as per their age and wish!

Don’t you think we, the parent are the best friends and counselors for our children???

By Amisha nair